(image credit – Thrive Programme Coach® Fiona Brown, Thrive London)
With having a child with perfectionist tendency and seeing the toll it takes on him, I am increasingly questioning the strive for excellence and wanting instead to take up the mantra of ‘its good enough’.
We all know that anxiety is sky rocketing in schools and that a lot of kids are stressed out. With the worry about their future and the future of their planet, it is no wonder. But even for kids who aren’t thinking about those big ‘adult’ issues, they are still feeling anxious.
In a conversation with a highly regarded local child psychologist, some of the techniques she advices to use are ones that could be good to use in the classroom, and I think the new grading schemes are trying to do that. One of the big thing she encourages is to praise the effort and not focus on the outcome. The second is to work with the student who is trying to make something perfect be okay with leaving it in its imperfect state – “its good enough”. The third is to go where they are at. If they feel bad about something, listen to it, reflect back what you hear them say, and be understanding. It does not mean to reinforce what they say and tell them “yes, what you did is not good”, but to hear what they are saying and understand it.
Now what does all of this have to do with my free inquiry of learning how to play the guitar. I do not see myself as a perfectionist. But, do I stop myself from playing or enjoying playing when I don’t feel I am good enough to play when others are around and can hear me?
Last night we had the family for dinner, and when we are all hanging out after I pulled out my guitar and started to play. I was off to the corner, so I was not front and centre. I would sometimes call out and ask them to guess what song I was playing – and low and behold a few of the songs I played they knew what they were, so at least I played them well enough :). My first time to perform in front of more than two people… next time you will see me busking down on Government Street so I can earn money to pay off my student loan!
